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19 June 2010
The Japanese men's soccer team, fondly known as "Samurai Blue", is only to be known as "Samurai Blue", according to a JFA press release issued just ahead of their match against Netherlands in Durban. At least, one would surmise so, given the slightly-abstruse-bordering-on-completely-nonsensical nature of the press release:
We're Samurai Blue
We Have No Other Nickname
Okada Japan?
"We want the team to be known as 'Samurai Blue'," said goalkeeper Narazaki Seigo, "because if you call it something similar, like 'Midnight Blue' or 'Japan', people will associate it with porn. When you watch Samurai Blue, you're watching Asian soccer at its best, not the latest batch of upskirts from Setayama Junior High."
He also added that while "Shimizu S-Pulse", "Nagoya Grampus", and "Kawasaki Frontale" might sound sexual, they were just harmless J-League clubs. "It's Vissel Kobe you gotta watch out for," he warned. "Visseling's some fucked up shit, makes piercing look tame."
"It's sad, in a way," said Japanese midfielder Nakamura Shunsuke. "We're playing the Dutch tonight, and while people should associate them with porn, and prostitution, and cream pies, and PPV lesbian spanking sites, and women in vinyl corsets fucking middle managers in the ass with strap-ons, they don't. It's because of their nickname. I mean, who would associate 'Clockwork Orange' with simulated rape?"
The announcement comes slightly over a year after cheap Chinese-made knock-offs of AS Roma's SPQR sent thousands of Japanese soccer fans—who still think of Roma as the team with which Nakata Hidetoshi won a scudetto—to Japanese BDSM porn site SMQR, forcing them to ask what a bunch of men being humiliated by waifish girls has to do with calcio in general or Roma
in particular. [Ahn Jung-Hwan and Giampaolo Pazzini are waifish girls –eds.]
Dutch coach Bert van Marwijk admitted that, after having beaten Japan 3-0 last September, losing would be a bitter pill to swallow. "But a little pill," he added. "A little samurai blue pill."
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