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(2 November, Rome)
Simone Perrotta—the Manchester man with Michael Imperioli's nose and Alecko Eskandarian's hand—handed AS Roma victory over Oscar Mayer FC via an undetected-yet-blatant handball and a botched attempt to kick Emiliano Viviano in the head.
"I don't know how he missed," said Rossoblu manager Franco Colomba. "The only goalkeepers in the world with bigger heads are Oliver Kahn and Joe Cannon."
Miguel Ferrer had put Bologna up in the 32nd minute, before Perrotta made a brilliant pass—off his elbow—to a barely onside Vučinić. A few minutes later Perrotta attempted to kick Bologna keeper Vivivano—at the time as supine as an on-the-clock teamster—in the head, but somehow missed, instead hitting the ball—at the time as loose as a Columbus Crew fan's mother—into the back of the net, giving Roma the go-ahead goal and a much needed victory.
Roma might have made it 3-1, after Frenchman Jérémy Ménez attempted to commit a dive more blatant than Perrotta's handball (he got punched where all the rest of us of take our "two for flinching" and went down like a Newcastle player in a cheerleader outfit... a Red Bull New York cheerleader outfit), winning the Giallorossi a dangerous freekick... but since being near their opponents' box is kryptonite rossa for the Giallorossi, nothing came of it. Ménez injured himself out of the game, lending credence to the WWE maxim that "it may be fake, but it still hurts."
Talking Points
Marco Di Vaio, much like Mumia, is somehow still not dead. Telling you that qualifies as a Public Service Announcement.
Mirko Vučinić is fucking useless in the corner. It's like watching Bo Oshoniyi try to take a goal kick. *shudder* Up the middle, however....
Roma fans! You, too, can get a credit card! Then you, too, can spend irresponsibly beyond your means—just like your club!
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