Herbalife Saves Donovan's Bacon

By Les Moore

(August 21, 2009)
After being diagnosed with the swine flu virus, Landon Donovan feared for his life. But that was before he found Herbalife.

"That stuff saved my bacon," said the Galaxy midfielder. "I thought I was going to end up like Ante Razov, you know, laid out in bed with tubes sticking out of my rectum."

But then he found the lead-based herbal supplement that the Bush-era FDA labeled as "Paid In Full."

"Thanks to Herbalife, this now just feels like a regular old flu, not a Swine Flu at all. Would you be interested in becoming a distributor? If I can convince enough people to buy this garbage I can buy a car like David [Beckham]."

While reputable doctors note that Herbalife has no nutritional value whatsoever and can cause learning disabilities or even brain damage in children, economists note that every single member of the Los Angeles Galaxy is now in the West Coast Sales Channel for the multi-level cult/scam.