As the failure of Manchester City's recent £107 million bid for Milan midfielder Kaká—part of Sulaiman Al-Fahim's vision of "winning the Premiership by buying the world's best players, and winning the Champions League by buying Italy's best refs"—continues to sink in, details of just how fully overpriced Kaká is continue to come to light. The initial offer included:

•         £107,000,000 (US$107,000,000,000,000,000,000,000)
  
•         500 camels
  
•         300 goats
  
•         7 metric tons of pre-boxed dates
  
•         4 metric tons of pre-boxed figs (considerably outbidding ESPN's Sportscenter, who don't give even one fig about Kaká)
  
•         3 bars in Strangeways
  
•         The two guys from the Smiths that nobody cares about
  
•         Ian Curtis's sense of mirth (recently discovered and bought at auction for £3.7mil)
  
•         A DAT containing a rare, unreleased recording of Suzanne Tamim singing "Who's That Lying on the Runway?"
  
•         80 houris (that's 8 more than Roma got for the way they started their season)
  
•         500 women (which should be good for team morale)
  
•         300 boys (which should be good for Andriy Shevchenko's morale)
  
•         50% of the 12% of America now owned by [Manchester City F.C. Chairman] Khaldoon Al Mubarak's Fillipina housekeeper in Dubai
  
•         Recognition that Israel is a country, that Canberra is the capital of Australia, and that "Niger" is not pronounced the way you might at first think

Subsequent offers included City players. "We offered them Wright-Phillips, who they said had too many issues, then Ireland, which they said had too many Catholics," Al Mubarak said. "We pointed out that, even with immigration, Ireland's Catholics don't multiply as quickly as Shaun Wright-Phillips's issues, but that what we were really offering was Stephen Ireland. They suggested he be cut in half, too, and offered to blow up a pub or three to generate awareness of the event. They looked at Al-Fahim when they said it. What we get for wearing name tags."

City—as FOUL's American readers' adult literacy instructors well know—was once home to former U.S. National Team captain Claudio Reyna. Reyna's time at the club, like his '06 showing for the U.S., was a disappointment. "We thought when we were signing 'Captain America' that we'd be getting Steve Rogers," then-manager Kevin Keegan reportedly told reporters. "Instead we got Reyna. Captain America, my ass. He says 'don't tread on me' and what's the first thing Jens Jeremies does? Pussy. Eventually he wound up at Red Bull New York where, suffice it to say, Super Serum is the norm."

When reached or comment on the veracity of the transer rumours, Kaka was quoted as saying: "It is not necessary to accept everything as true, one must only accept it as necessary."