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(20 May 2010)
Over 68.3% of South Koreans who identify themselves as fans of Manchester United FC have no clue who Eric Cantona is, according to a recent study which appears in the upcoming issue of Scientists Who Got Research Grants to Hang Out in Pubs Have to Publish Somewhere, a quarterly sociology journal almost as well-respected as Nature in some circles. The study also revealed that over 54.8% of
all self-professed United fans in the United States thought Eric Cantona was "the dude from CHiPs," and nearly 100% of all Guangzhou-based self-professed United fans said "yeah, I live in Canton, a."
27% of Japanese soccer fans in England shirts had a hard time putting the "L" in "Peter Shilton", leading to some confusion between the former England keeper and Peter Vagenas, best known in Japan for his
appearance in an adult video you'd, well, that you'd really rather I not describe to you right now.
Suffice it to say, it involved poo poo.
"The best we can figure," said Guardian sports colum— fuck it, I don't read the Guardian—said FOUL columnist Les Moore is that "what they really love and support is
not so much the team, as is it having a perennial Premiership and Champions League contender with a South Korean starter. Thanks to Park Ji-sung, United fits that bill."
"Yes! YEEEEESSSSSS! I love Manchester United because I very like Park Ji-sung," said Incheon-based United fan Kim Soo-rae. "PSV? You wanna buy plastic piping from me?"
"I mean, maybe if there was, like, a big ass statue of him in front of England's biggest stadium, then I might know who you were talking about," said Red Devils and Red Devils fan Choi Ha-jing.
"Bobby who?"
Other Korea-based self-professed United fans thought George Best was the original drummer from The Beatles, though self-professed fans of both United and the Beatles thought "he was that old dude
with the cigar" or (in the under-50 demographic) that "dumb American who messed up our Sunshine Policy and invaded Iraq." Many others claimed to support United because Manchester was the Beatles' hometown
and also because they really, really like Steven Gerrard.
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