|
(June 16, 2009)
Well, thank you for being here. Oddly, picturing you naked makes me feel less gay than looking at what you're wearing.
I am comfortable with my sexuality. It is your comfort that is at issue. I feel comfortable right now.
I do too, when I let 'em swing free like that. Um, anyway, £80m, huh? That must be flattering.
It is. It truly is, to have the two, of all the clubs in the world, the evilest two, express interest in having me play for them.
You aren't afraid? Of going to Madrid, I mean?
You mean, because of Barca? Messi? No. No, I am over that.
No, my line of reasoning was—hear me out, here—that you were brought to United to replace Beckham.
And?
And then, when he became more trouble than he was worth, United shipped him out to Madrid.
Which is bad because...?
LA. The LA Galaxy.
Dear God! I'm not that comfortable in my sexuality!
See.
Do you... do you think I should stay at United?
No, no. They'd hate you.
It's... it's okay. I like to be jeered. I love it, even.
Oh. Oh.. Sorry. Jesus, I'm sorry. I just now got what you meant by "comf nevermind. Maybe City? They'd hate you in Manchester for that, I'm sure.
You mean the United fans?
Yeah. So, um, not in Manchester, but, you know, places kinda geographically near it. Like, say, Hong Kong or Singapore.
Kaká turned them down. It has to be Madrid. Besides, who else would pay 80 million pounds for me?
Maybe the CDC, in Atlanta. They buy viruses. How do feel about Confederate flags?
Portugal isn't playing in that this year.
Neither is the US. You see 'em lose to Italy?
You're thinking of Italy. Or Spain. Brazil, they speak the same language as us. Maybe them.
I meant Confederate... You ever see "The Simple Life"?
Yeah...
Like that. Chili cheese dogs, Old Crow, Jim Crow. Silverbacks games. People sleeping in stadiums.
That's New Orleans, no?
No, I'm referring to the Silverbacks.
Oh.
So.
So it has to be Madrid. Unless...
Unless?
The New York Metrosexuals?
The New York Metrostars. Rebranded. Years ago.
So it has to be Madrid. Madrid will be good. They have a good team.
You'll do fine there. You'll do fine. Chocolate?
I'm looking... I'm looking forward to winning the Spanish League. And the, the Champions League. With Madrid. With Real Madrid. I'm looking forward to winning the Spanish... I'm looking forward to winning the Spanish League and the Champions League with Real Madrid.
Good. Good for you.
And helping the Gala Gala the Gala helping the Gala ticos win it all.
The Galácticos. Yes. Kaká's there. Maybe Ribéry and Villa, too. It's a good team.
A good team. Yes. We can win. We can win it all.
You can.
Despite Barca.
Despite Barca.
To spite Barca.
And Messi.
And... him.
And hey! If you break a few records while you're there...
Zarra's?
Hey, why not? I was thinking more of Imelda Marcos, but you if think you can score 254 goals next year, from midfield—San Jose doesn't play in Spain, by the way, if you were banking on that for the first 250—then sure, why not? The power of positive thinking, eh?
Well, it would be all-time. I'm still young.
You're still young. You've got your whole life ahead of you. You do. Your whole life. Ahead of you. Chocolate?
|
