After a prolonged disappearance, David Beckham has admitted to Los Angeles Galaxy fans that he has been “unfaithful.” FOUL can now reveal highly personal, and shoddily-written, email correspondence between the English midfielder and his Italian jezebel.
Beckham disappeared several months ago, claiming only to be “hiking the Lombard Trail.” His family and Galaxy officials were unable to provide contact information for Beckham in his absence.
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But FOUL’s investigative team was able to corner the English midfielder as he deplaned a flight from Milan, Italy. Shortly afterwards, at a hastily arranged press conference, a clearly emotional Beckham admitted to unfaithfulness with a trollop in Milan.
FOUL’s investigative team, who clearly deserve a raise (EDs –No), can now reveal sultry emails between Beckham and his Italian slut.
Old Spice wrote to his coquette “You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that is so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle passes, or that I love your black and red lines or that I love the subtle way you bribe referees, the erotic beauty of you throwing yourself to the ground at the slightest caress of a defender in the faded glow of the night's light. The Galaxy are worthless garbage compared to your sweet whispers.
“As I have said to you before I certainly had a special feeling about you from the first time we met, but these feelings were contained and I genuinely enjoyed our special friendship and all too many Italian Lira. I will do anything to stop these endless text messages from Lyndon Donivan.
“So please sleep soundly knowing that despite the best efforts of my contractual obligations my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul. God, I hate the Galaxy so fucking much.
Galaxy fans have responded to the publication of these missives by publicly hurling verbal abuse and attempting to assault the smitten midfielder. One sad Los Angeles fan said, “Those should have been the best three years of my life. Now what am I going to do with all these Herbalife shirts?” |
