Treasury Secretary Timothy Geitner told Congress today that the Federal Government, acting as receiver for financial behemoth AIG, would take over jersey sponsorship for football behemoth Manchester United.

"The Federal Government has the right, indeed the responsibility, by virtue of our 80% financial stake in AIG, to get our message out there."

Geitner showed Congress one of the new jerseys, emblazoned with the words "REPUBLICANS SMELL."

Livid Republican leaders vowed to block what they termed a "Fascist Communist Islamo-Socialist power grab". 

Compromise was reached when House Financial Services Committee Chair Barney Frank (D-MA) agreed to grant Republicans the Uniteds' 2009 away kit, while giving the design of both the home shirt and the lucrative third jersey to Democrats.

Spencer Bachus (R-AL), ranking Republican on the committee, later announced his intentions to place a message of inspiration to US troops on the Uniteds' shirts.  He showed a shirt with a hastily scribbled "THERE WERE TOO WMDs!!!"

The Uniteds' owner, Malcolm Glazer a former business associate of George W. Bush, kept eerily but understandably quiet.

Representative Steve King (R-Iowa) dissented on the house floor, "The Uniteds' nickname is the Red Devils.  DEVILS!! AAaargh"

There was discussion of placing the words, "America, Fuck Yeah!" on the third jersey but they were abandoned when players expressed concern that they would be fouled out of the sport.