Vigilantes, secret agents and bumbling idiot cyborgs are hot on the trail of international ganglord, criminal mastermind and CONCACAF President Jack Warner, perhaps the most hunted criminal in the world now that we know just which mountain in Pakistan Osama Bin Laden is hiding on.

References to Warner as "a clown" and "[FIFA President Sepp Blatter's] puppet" initially led Gotham City's Caped Crusader (aka Batman) to believe "Warner" was an alias for either the Joker or Scarface. Upon learning that, unlike Cesar Romero, Sara Larsson or Melissa Tancredi, Warner does not put make up on over his moustache, and that no one had ever seen (well, photographed) him with Blatter's hand inserted in his, um, "cavity", that he was probably a rival crimelord, and possibly not a "freak" at all. A bit of detective work uncovering illegal ticket resales, influence peddling, embezzlement of TnT players' bonuses (to which Warner responded: "If you're good at something, never do it for free. You gonna look me in the eye and tell me the Trinidad and Tobago National Team is good?") confirmed Batman's first suspicion, while Warner's belief that Joe Public F.C. is more than just a first-round bye for MLS teams in the CCC confirmed him to be either a "freak" or a fan of the New England Re...well, a "freak", anyway.

Upon confronting Warner, Batman was hit with a "villain's monologue":

"The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules, or at least without rules that get enforced against me. Or at least without FIFA Regulations that get enforced against me."

Warner then threatened to either explain the offsides rule to a Razorbacks fan, or to invite Robin to see a game in Tunapuna, thereby inciting him to ask what "tuna" has to do with "poon". Pleading a fear-toxin attack on the city, Batman ran off to fight the Scarecrow, mistakenly putting Chivas USA defender Jim Curtin in the hospital, with the rest of his team.

James Bond, that English secret agent from England, has been assigned by MI6 "to ascertain Jack Warner's whereabouts and possible criminal associates", which in the Queen's English translates to "blow shit up and shag hot cooz." Armed with dozens of gadgets designed by San Jose Earthquakes mascot Q, Bond has thus far "ascertained" that Warner is not hiding out within five miles of a casino, luxury hotel, brothel, or tropical private beach, nor is he in the company of Russian gangsters or corrupt bankers, anywhere in North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Asia, or that other continent, the one the Socceroos used to play for. In other words, he and Blatter must've split up. The scene is now set for a thrilling/stunning/breathtaking/non-stop-rollercoaster-of-a- finale in... Antarctica! Bond might be too busy to "huddle for warmth", however, as his penchant for knocking back martinis before knocking up Gadgetinis (Moneypenny was always on the pill) will most likely put 007 in direct conflict with fellow crimefighter and Warner-chaser....

Inspector Gadget! A cyborg that's half-machine, half-imbecile (think Beckham at 40, if Milan's doctors have their way), Gadget throwing his Go-Go! Gadget Hat! in the ring is not as ludicrous as it sounds (though Bond is still sore about the Go-Go! Gadget Boots not being what they'd sounded like), since backing up Gadget are his 10-year-old niece and her dog, who's really, really smart. No, really. He's a smart dog. No. No, that's not the most preposterous thing you've ever heard. Well, maybe it is. Go read some of Warner's denials of any wrongdoing. Back? Okay. Now it's not the most preposterous thing you've ever heard.

Gadget, like Bond, might easily be duped by Jack Warner's cat-toting, kitty-stroking security double Oncrack Warner (who actually believes Warner's denials of any wrongdoing, as his name implies), but not by the double with the pet caterpillar Warner set in the mousetrap for DM and Penfold. That double's codename has a codename (and a monogrammed screen, so you can't see the dice), but it hardly matters, as DM and Warner are both always after the same thing—the mighty Greenback. Gadget might always be hot on the wrong trail, but one can forgive him for mistaking Doctor Claw for Jack Warner, or for mistaking Jimmy Conrad for Doctor Claw, despite the latter's claim that "if we blow up Kansas the world may not hear about it for years."

Ultimately it ends like this:

Bond gets cheesed off thinking about that one time in Phnom Penh when Gadget said "Penny for your thoughts" then welched on his end. Danger Mouse hears "cheesed off", gets hungry and distracted, thereby allowing Pinky and the Brain to take over the world by destroying the Warner Bros. water tower, simultaneously uncovering and destroying Jack Warner's hideout in the process, but releasing a far greater menace on the Earth, in the form of Warner's siblings—Yakko, Wakko and Dot. Batman misses the whole thing, as some people need a 4000 watt searchlight turned on for them to realize someone's been putting the CON in CONCACAF.