Montero Making a Difference

Seattle striker Fredy Montero is reaching out to the Seattle community and getting involved. Last week, while the Sounders were in Toronto, he introduced himself to each and every one of his neighbors, and gave them practical advice on protecting their children from "Stranger Danger."

"He's a regular MacGruff," said Seattle-resident Jemima Hayes. "But with slightly better breath. And also if he was under my kitchen table begging for food, I wouldn't give him any. I would call the police."

Montero's advice, delivered in the form of a smart, concise neon-green pamphlet entitled "How to Keep Your Kids Safe from ^and Sounders", contained the following McNuggets of wisdom:

• Don't take McNuggets from strangers. Don't take anything a stranger might try to give you for free, like candy, Pokémon cards or Open Cup tickets, especially if they want you to go somewhere with them where no other adults are present, like the back of a van or Pizza Hut Park (which isn't as much fun as it sounds; it's not really a Pizza Hut-themed amusement park; the novelty of watching grass grow might, however, appeal to TFC and Sounders fans).
• Wear a helmet whenever skateboarding, rollerskating, inline skating, riding a bike or sitting next to Drew Carey at a TFC match.
• Some places, it's okay to touch. Some places it isn't. Learn the difference between "good touch" and "bad touch"—then teach it to Kasey Keller.
• Beware of men wearing Bruce Arena masks and carrying picket signs. Bruce Arena, however, is fine—just don't ask him when David Beckham's coming back.
• Don't register your daughters for the Ladies RSL Youth Team. The request that "girls coming to camp for the first time should bring with them: one size 5 ball, one size 4 ball, 1 pair cleats, 1 pair shin guards, something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue" should have been warning enough.
• Keep your kids far away from me, Fredy Montero, as I, Fredy Montero, am scary.

"Yeah, he's scary," said Red Bull New York goalkeeper Danny Cepero. "That last one's probably the best piece of advice I could give your kids."

"Montero's not even the scariest Sounder," added Hayes. "I mean, this guy is much scarier.

(If you found this while looking for something like NAPSAC, well, go visit NAPSAC.)