(May 1, 2009/New York)  Disney (DIS), parent company of ESPN, announced earlier today that it is purchasing naming rights to MLS in a 3-year, $125 million dollar deal. 

"This is a great day for Disney, and a great day for MLS," said Disney's frozen severed h^Head of Public Relations. "We look forward to moving one of your teams, probably DC or, since we're really fucking evil, San Jose, to Anaheim and naming them after the team from The Big Green."

"We're hoping this rebranding will help move MLS away from its current 'Mickey Mouse League' image," said Disney Vice-President of Media Relations Naamah. "We've got some great plans in store for the future. Mwa ha ha!"

The league, henceforth to be known as "Winnie the Pooh Soccer," will maintain the 15 current MLS teams as well as its projected expansion members. Future expansion will proceed as previously planned—at a slow, steady pace. "Some potential investors might have to wait 5, even 10 years before getting into the league," said Disney President of Media Relations Satan. "You know, like waiting in line to ride Space Mountain."

While concerns that both the abbreviated form of the name—WPS—as well as the full name—which contains a homophone for a synonym for "feces"—might lead to confusion, given Women's Professional Soccer's name and, er, quality, have yet to be addressed, one bullet has been dodged. 

"We considered naming the new Winnie the Pooh Soccer teams after specific characters from Winnie the Pooh, but after the incident in Columbus last May, we were afraid that renaming TFC 'the Toronto Tiggers' could make things very difficult for Kheli Dube. What? He doesn't play for TFC? Oh. They all look alike to Disney; that's why all the people in our one animated feature set in sub-Saharan Africa look like characters from Kimba the White Lion instead of, you know, human beings."

 Plans to name the currently-existent 15 teams after "beloved animated features" were also abandoned after "The Three Caballeros FC" tested poorly in preliminary focus groups comprised of Chivas USA fans. "Home on the Range FC" might, however, become a reality. "If we can get Jennifer Tilly and Roseanne to play for us, we might actually start playing well," said RBNY head coach Juan Carlos Osorio. "I mean, no. No, we won't. But we'll play better than we're playing now."