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ACTUAL BULLS SLAM NEW YORK RED BULLS
By Les Moore |
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Red Bulls Midfielder Jorge Rojas
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(April 24, New York) After another dismal performance by the New York Red Bulls, the bovine athletes from the Professional Bull Riders tour slammed New Jersey's soccer team for giving them a bad name.
"They're a disgrace" growled Copperhead Slinger, just before he threw Justin McBride after only 2.9 seconds.
"Look, I was bred and trained to be a top-notch athlete. I've thrown Adriano Moraes 6 times, you know. They can't even beat the Kansas City Wizards."
"I dare say they're cows, not bulls. Show some goddammed pride" said Crazy Train from Abilene, Texas.
Scene Of The Crash, of Winnie, Texas, noted that, "Our trainers force a myriad of quasi-legal performance-enhancing drugs into our mouths, veins, and rectums, too. But in our case, you can actually see the difference."
"We're rank bulls. They're just rank."
Copperhead Slinger, of Mandan, North Dakota, recommended they try wrapping a thick rope around their scrotums to enhance mobility. "Although," he noted sarcastically, "I somehow doubt you'd be able to find theirs as easily as mine."
Red Bulls' Physio Rich Guter said that he was certainly willing to give it a try but noted that there could be potential problems with the MLS Players Union.
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