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(15 January, WeDidTooHaveSomewhereBetterToBe)
The Seattle Sounders drafted midfielder Mike Seamon in the second round of the MLS Draft.
Said, Sigi Schmid, "We think Seamon is going to shine here. He really fills a hole for us."
"We considered taking Two-Boys [Gumede]. But, in the end, Seamon can go in the front or the back."
"The experts thought we might select Bone, or Dike, or maybe even Boggs or Ream, but we can plug Seamon into so many places. As we saw last year, that kind of fluidity is really valuable."
"And, of course, Seamon's great on the dribble, particularly up the center channel."
Chivas fans—who, like our fact checker, don't exist—are eagerly anticipating the Kissi-Seamon match up.
"I'm thrilled to be playing for Seattle," Seamon told FOUL. They might not be any good, but they have the best fans in the league. I can't wait to see 20,000 fans in green, scarfs in the air, with 'Seamon!' coming out of their mouths. Also, unlike PU, they don't have a name that's really easy to make fun of."
Fellow Sounders Fredy Montero and Nate Jaqua were less enthused about Seamon's arrival.
"Uhhh... there are cops at all these games, you know," Jaqua told reporters, "and I'm pretty sure they're looking for him
Montero then added "Yeah, they musta said like a hundred times that if they ever found Seamon I'd be going to prison for a long, long time. Not. Cool. At. All."
In other MLS draft news, all three guys who can name the Canadian national team's coach were relieved to learn that, unlike Guisseppe Rossi, Kansas City first-round pick Teal Bunbury "didn't play for those Zips."
Columbus fans, on the other hand, were dismayed to learn that "Dilly Duka" isn't really Polish for "Dilly Bar" after all. Oh, those fat fucks love their Dairy Queen!
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